filthysweet.

     Friday and Saturday didn't go well.  Knuckled under to temptation while out with friends.

     Today, though, I went straight to the gym.  I didn't really feel anything, no dread or excitement.  Just "lets go and take care of this."  I did better than I thought I would after such a long lay-off.  Minimal cardio on the stationary went well, panting but no gasping.  Then I did a scaled down version of my old lower body weight routine, about 2/3 the amount of reps and of course my weights were smaller.  But I did well.  Even worked in a set of squats, which I had to work up to the ability before without my knees buckling.  The only thing:  An hour and fourty-five minutes by the time I finished stretches.  Nevertheless, I feel proud about getting it done, that it went so smoothly, that I'm not starting all over from the begining and that I did it all!  (*Squeal*!)

     Next step, eating.  So far, so good today.  But the first half of the day is rarely my problem.  At least my experience at the health club left me feeling enthusiatic. 

     Even though I didn't tremendously overeat for the holiday yesterday, I still consumed enough to have wrecked my weight!  168 pounds today, terrible.  Worse than when I started this blog!  It is like erasing the years of hard work to lose it.  Wish I could erase the last two years of gaining it all back!  Honestly it is just hard to get back the same motivation and resignation that drove me before.  Gonna have to think of something.  The other day while lying in bed trying to go to sleep, I felt my heart suddenly beat extra hard for a couple of cycles, THUMP, THUMP!  I hardly need extra weight and inactivity to aggravate my afib.  Yet still, I find it hard to get back on plan.  The next morning I told myself, it is time to start eating low-fat once again and get this weight off!  Yet a few hours later, I bought some pizza for lunch.  Told myself it was the last time, I'll start over again tomorrow. 

     I've been "gonna start again tomorrow" for over two freakin years now!  In fact, right now, I'm still thinking about that pizza!!  Right now, I still don't want to pass up the chance to eat some more of my favorite foods.  I'm still thinking, I'll just start over tommorrow, one more day won't hurt.  That is what I would much rather do.  But I am pushing myself today, making the effort to turn away, forcing myself to put that desire to the back of my mind.  I am trying something new, trying not to think into the future to a goal or a prize, trying to think one day at a time, as the 12-steppers say.   

     It is not a very happy day.

In the past, you've had to contact me to set your own custom domain. This is no longer the case - I've added a new page in the control panel (Settings > Set Custom Domain) which lets you set your own domain name. I've updated the documentation page with instructions on how to set-up your Tabulas to use a domain name.